


Here's to Looking at You

by mercurylcvers



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Lee Jeno, Mentioned Moon Taeil, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurylcvers/pseuds/mercurylcvers
Summary: College was a fresh new start for Kim Doyoung, he had finally escaped the small town he grew up in and into the big city he had always dreamed of. Unexpectedly, he meets Nakamoto Yuta who shows him how big the world actually is.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	Here's to Looking at You

The sound of rain hitting against the window made the atmosphere seem more nostalgic than Doyoung was ready to accept. It brought back the memories of his past that he would rather keep at bay until a happier day. They were the kind of memories that were best shared amongst a group of friends in a room filled with laughter, rather than alone. Because if he didn’t filter out those thoughts now, he would end up impulsively booking a ticket for the next flight home within half an hour. Not that he wasn’t used to it, he was constantly second-guessing himself due to the feeling of loneliness which had become an over-looming ever-present presence in his life. It was something that was slowly became a part of him- he had accepted this long ago and even treasured the isolation at times. Growing up in a small town, by the time he started high school, Doyoung had chosen to separate himself from the rest of the world in order to work towards getting the grades he needed to escape the place he had always known. What was once a familiar comfort had turned into an overbearing community that he wanted no part of. The city with its bright light and skyscrapers that promised hope and potential was an alluring force that had always pulled him in. But now, alone in the big city he had always dreamt of escaping to, he felt suffocated by the silence of his apartment- how was it that in this city full of wanderers, he didn’t have anyone but himself? He had never understood why people would eventually come back to the town they were so desperate to leave until now.

Doyoung doesn’t have anymore time to wallow in his self-pity as he hears a knock on his door.

“Hey Doyoung, can I come in?” a voice whispered so softly that Doyoung barely managed to hear his question. His roommate, Taeyong was also a first year. They weren’t friends and had barely spoken more than five words to each other since moving into the apartment a week ago after establishing some basic agreements. His roommate looked like a kitten with his large eyes which is a contrast to the usual cold facade he upheld.

“Yeah what’s going on?”

“Don’t mind me, you can continue whatever you were doing, I just didn’t want to be alone in this weather, it makes me feel lonely.”

“I’m actually feeling a little lonely too, with the rain and all”

“To be honest, I didn’t expect you to let me stay here. You always seemed so distant and cold. I moved in a week ago and the most you’ve said to be since then was when you accused me of drinking your milk, when it turned out your brother was the culprit.”

“Well it’s not like you’re the easiest person to approach either. You look like you’ve been sculpted by the gods, and in my defense, Jeno isn’t the first person to come to mind since he’s lactose intolerant. Let’s just put it behind us and be friends.”

“Deal, if you buy me a drink from the cafe around the corner, I’m aiming to make it my new study place.”

“Agreed. Congratulations on being my first friend here Lee Taeyong.”

“A pleasure, Kim Doyoung.”  
\--

When school started, he was able to distance himself from his past. He wanted to revamp his image, but he was also wary of playing a role he wasn’t. Taeyong said that most people would like him even if he didn’t change his personality and that if they didn’t like him, it would be a loss on their side for missing an opportunity to know someone like him. Haechan disagreed.

“Hyung, trust me. With that attitude, no one’s going to want to be friends with you. Trust me, I would know. We practically have the same personality.”

“You’re more exhausting to deal with than me you know?”

“We are two of the same kind I tell you, two of the same exact kind.”

Conversations like these made him remember and miss his friends and family back home the most. He didn’t have many friends to begin with, having spent most of his time on academics instead of building a social life, and he wasn’t planning on maintaining friendships with the little he has either. Most of them were friends made simply because they were stuck together in a classroom next to each other for 18 years. He understands that sometimes in life it’s best to let people go and if it’s meant to be then they’ll find a way back into his life. But as with everything else in life, there’s always a few exceptions. One of which came by the name of Donghyuck. Donghyuck, or Haechan as he made everyone call him, would for one never allow him to cut off ties with him. The little devil was his little brother Jeno’s best friend but the two have somehow formed a bond and connection between the two where they would also consider each other as brothers. Taeil was another, they were the type of friends that could go without talking to each other for months but when they do talk again, it would be like the period of time that has elapsed between them never happened.

“Settle down class, everyone go around in circles and introduce yourselves.” As everyone took their turns talking about each other, one particular person captured Doyoung’s attention. He wasn’t the tallest in the room necessarily, but he wasn’t short either. Lanky, but in a fit type of manner. His hair was long but styled well. It gave him “cover of adult romance erotica novel” vibes.

Doyoung wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but simply curiosity peaked at first sight. He found himself anticipating for the boy to introduce himself. So much so that he missed his own turn for introduction, thankfully the girl next to him gave him a nudge before the gap of silence became an obvious one.

“Uh… hi everyone… I’m Kim Doyoung and I’m an art major with an interest in sculpting.” He awkwardly told the rest of the class. After a couple more people had done their introduction, it was finally the mystery boy’s turn.

“Hi, I’m Nakamoto Yuta, finance major, hoping to take over the corporate world. Not really, it’s more of a backup plan in case soccer doesn’t work out for me.”  
\---  
By the second week of class, the professor had already introduced a group project that would be done in pairs. The pairs would be chosen randomly so that no one would be intentionally left without a partner. Looking at the list, Doyoung released the breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding on. He was partner with someone who he instinctively knew he could rely on.

“Hey,” he heard as he felt a tap on his shoulder, “we’re gonna be working together!”

“Yeah, do you have anything in mind? Actually we should probably exchange numbers first and work out a schedule first right?”

“Sure, just put in your number Yuta,” Doyoung tells him as he slides his phone over the desk. “I’m free mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and all day during the weekends.”

“Ok we can just meet mornings Tuesdays and every Saturday afternoon then? Until we get the project done.”

“That works for me,” he replies with a shy gummy smile.  
\---

At their first meeting, Doyoung had noticed that Yuta had a fiery aura surrounding him. He was the athletic popular soccer player that seemed to be friends with most of the student population. Doyoung was envious of the older, he wanted to assimilate well too, and fast. He soon noticed that Yuta was different from what he seemed to be. When working on their project, he paid attention to even the tiniest details, and he always made sure to listen to any complaints or ideas that Doyoung provided. It was clear that he was serious about the project, but he was also considerate of the atmosphere, lessening the tension when he felt that it was too serious and having small breaks when he felt that they were overworking themselves.  
After the first meeting, Yuta had offered to drive Doyoung home. This soon became a routine throughout their numerous meetings. His aura was magnetic and there was a certain glow to him as he drove. Wind brushing through his hair, smile wide as can be. Doyoung couldn’t help but to admire him, how Yuta seemed so in control. Doyoung remembered being curious about it and finally voicing out his interest in the matter.

“How do you do it?” Doyoung asks in a serious voice.

“Do what?” Yuta responds curiously.

“You know- blend in so well, you’re like a chameleon, no matter what situation you’re put in, it seems like it’s so easy for you to adjust to. You have so many friends and your life feels so put together. If I’m going to be completely blunt and honest with you, I’m 100% jealous. ”  
A chuckle comes out from the redhead.

“Once you let go of everything and do what your heart tells you to do, you’ll be content. Just release all your worries into the world and it’ll go away with the wind. Who cares if someone doesn’t like you? Someone else will. Not everyone’s opinion of you should matter, the only opinions that you should care about are the ones coming from the people that you care most about. And for me, that’s myself. Live a life that you want to live Doyoung, don’t be afraid of how others see you. You’re only holding yourself in a cage.”  
\---

Not so surprisingly, it was Yuta who asked him out on their first date. It wasn’t anything fancy by any means, just two broke college kids at a local pizzeria. They had fought over the bill before deciding to go dutch with it.  
The days with Yuta went by fast. Without a thought, the semester had went by and slipped into the next. They spent most of their time together when they weren’t working or at their practices. Doyoung had joined the chorale society and Yuta was a starter for the soccer team. Even when their schedules were packed, they made time to do their homework together. Instead of dates, they would lounge around alternating between dorm rooms- it was always whoever’s was cleaner at the time, usually Doyoung’s. It felt easy and became a routine, until it suddenly didn’t. When Doyoung realized that he was falling in love with Yuta, that’s when all the built up anxiousness overcame him. Love scared him, it wasn’t something he was used to. It made him paranoid- he was constantly waiting for himself to mess up the entire thing, not trusting himself of being capable of having someone love him. He was scared of letting Yuta see all of him, that he would end up finding something that would cause him to stop loving him.  
\---

By the time summer came, they decided that their relationship should end too. After all, an ending would open another door towards a new beginning.  
“I think we should break it off,” Yuta tells him first. “You’re so dependent on me it’s like I’m dating an extension of myself.”  
Doyoung couldn’t dispute this. He was searching for something in Yuta. Maybe it was the fact that he idealized him so much and was hoping to find a part of himself in there. What he didn’t know was that if he had looked deeper, he would have found himself. In Yuta’s heart with all the potential that Yuta saw in him that he couldn’t see in himself. He had let his biggest fear turn into his reality, he had lost the one he loves. Doyoung was sure that the longer he stood there looking at the other, the more the best memories they had together would be tainted.  
“Okay. If that’s what you want.”  
“I love you. I wish you would’ve fought for us. You’re always giving in to what others want. Does that make you happy? I hope you learn to live for yourself Kim Doyoung.”  
“Goodbye Yuta. Thank you.”  
Yuta’s last words to him would stick with Doyoung. Even with everyone consoling him that he would find another person, Doyoung knew that Yuta had been right. He needed to discover himself before he latched onto someone else. It was hard for Doyoung, but he knew that if he didn’t do this, he would never be happy. He started opening up more, first to Taeyong, and then to the people from home, and finally he would make friends with the people in his classes. Real friends who he would share memories and laughters with outside of their classes. He built himself a family not made from blood, but from trust. Those that he knew would stick by him thick and thin. And with a trusting group, he was able to show more of himself, exert confidence.  
As he packs up his apartment when graduation comes, he looks out the window towards the skyscrapers. The lonely city that he arrived to with its bright lights, tall buildings, and wild stories was no longer a stranger to him. At times, he still felt that the city was loud and a reminder of how alone you are in this world with loneliness weighing down pushing against your heart. Suffocating you until you lost your mind. But he learned how to deafen these feelings until they became mute. To fight against the feeling of loneliness because he wasn’t on his own in this big cruel world. He knew this city like the back of his hands, with unique memories planted in the most unusual and daunting spots. It was full of love and heartbreak.  
\---

When you entered the small town, it would envelope you into a warm hug like a mother. It was a stark contrast to the city, who before you even stepped foot in you could feel the iciness of. The sweet aroma coming from the bakery was as familiar to him as his own name. Even though he had only been back sparingly during the four years he was off in college, once he was back it felt like he never left. Doyoung supposes that the small town he grew up in would never change. It was his own constant, a reminder that no matter how much his life would spiral, this would be a stable place he could come back to.

He didn’t recognize him at first. Not because there was a sudden change of appearance that had come from the older, but a shift in aura. There was a lack of familiarity between the two. His voice is the same, his words are the same but there’s something that’s different. Even though the latter felt like a stranger, the curiosity that sparked inside him on their first day of lecture was back, though now in his hometown. And looking at his back he knew. That he would always try again, that his answer would always be Yuta. And so he took the first steps to approach him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone thanks for reading :3! I've been working on this fic for months, and I'm so thankful to all my friends for their encouragements! comments/kudos are always appreciated.


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